Posted by Uriah Nazario | Brutal Reviews

Fitness Innovations Foam Muscle Roller

The Fitness Innovations Foam Muscle Roller is not just for the hard bodies. I, by all means, should know since I’m sitting here typing and trying to keep my belly from hitting the space bar. Riding mountain bikes several times a week for years, I just thought that a soreness in my legs was the norm. I also suffered from a constant lower back pain for years that always liked to flare up on 15-20 mile plus rides and hikes. 

Drinking Foam Roller Kool-Aid

I have a few friends that have rollers that they swear by. I always thought these people were into some sort of sadist mechanism. Finally, my brother had purchased the Fitness Innovations muscle foam roller for me and I gave a half-heartedly smirk of thanks. The time came when we did a 25-mile epic ride on the Back 40 trails on New Year’s day. The next day I felt soreness creeping all over my legs and back due to the lack of wintertime riding. As I sat on the couch I could see the Fitness Innovations foam muscle roller glaring back at me and looking like a mobile Iron-Maiden. I said screw it and began to roll out my legs. The feeling of muscle tearing torture caused my girlfriend to drop her glass as I instantly let out a gasp only last heard during the Spanish Inquisition (I certainly didn’t expect it).

Ohh God The Pain!

I laid above the foam roller and let the teeth dig into my muscles as I moved back and forth. I think now I had managed to have all the neighborhood dogs howling as the sounds I let loose resembled the cries of a small bunny getting torn apart by a hawk. Fear had turned to laughter as my girlfriend watched jealously as something other than her could inflict that much muscle punching torture on a man.

Back Xylophone

After rolling out both my legs I then turned and rolled my back. The sound was as if Neil Peart was soloing on my spine. It popped and sputtered as my spine contorted to noodle like ways and I made a face resembling Schwarzenegger in Total Recall.

As the face wasn’t pretty, the feeling of ecstasy shot my head full of endorphins and I instantly felt relief.

The Aftermath

The next day I awoke and I felt ready to ride again. After drinking a ton of coconut water and a protein drink after rolling my body, I went to sleep. After the 3rd night piss and an angry restless girlfriend, I awoke feeling great. My legs only had a slight feeling of soreness and I felt like I was ready to tackle another 25 miles of rough XC riding. My back was feeling better than it had felt in a very long time and I was sold.

Long-Term

Now I use the roller nearly every day and it is absolutely great. It is something that I wish I had years ago and truly thank my brother for getting me. Now I get to be that loony that swears up and down about some silly sadist mechanism.

The Tits:

Reduced soreness substantially and my back hasn’t felt better. Inexpensive and easy to stow away.

The Pits:

Can absolutely feel like torture during the rolling process. Like it makes you want to punch a kitten to make it stop kind of hurt. (No kittens were harmed…yet)

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